So, International Brazilian centre forward Ronaldo has failed to score with three local Brazilian prostitutes that he picked up after dropping off his girlfriend. The free scoring AC Milan striker, who normally shoots on sight, was not amused at the sight of the three ladies once he’d booked them all into a hotel. They turned out to be men.

Unfortunately they’d sold him a dummy with their graceful and revealing feminine clothes, and he hadn’t noticed their more masculine charms until it was too late. Perhaps they’d lined up holding their groins, like a defensive wall at a free kick, and it was only when he tried to shoot that he noticed the tell-tale signs.

Ronaldo, who has been accused of time wasting in matches, wasted no time in this particular mismatch and demanded his money back. Unfortunately the guys didn’t want to play ball, and suggested a much higher sum should be exchanged or they’d blow the whistle on him. Such a foul manoeuvre would normally have Ronaldo dropping to the ground, feigning injury and appealing to the referee.

However there was no referee available so Ronaldo called the police to say he’s been the victim of extortion (and presumably Trades Descriptions as well).

So how does that leave us thinking about men who play away? While no-one complains at Ronaldos wickedly deceived free kicks his wickedly deceived girlfriend might not be so happy. The normal response that any man has to being caught in-flagrante (and how interesting that that’s an Italian term – with Ronaldo playing in Italy) is that the man tells his girl “It meant nothing to me”. Men seem to think that this should appease the woman. Surely all she wants to know is that her man has feelings for her and no other. So, the man has convinced himself (though not necessarily her) that it’s OK for him to shag someone else as long as there are no feelings involved.

But isn’t that a two edged sword, or perhaps a game of two halves? After all, how about if his girlfriend picked up three men, went to a hotel room and shagged them all and then said to Ronaldo “It meant nothing”.

Would he accept that or would he show her the red card? More to the point – will she show the red card to him? Looks like an early bath – alone – for Ronaldo.

P.S. I believe it is spelled transvestite.